Undo

Sometimes I cannot tell

If everybody hates me

Or I hate myself


I know why they hate me

I’d rather hate myself

But I don’t


Behavior is a harsh mistress

Lashing at dignity

If only they understood me

If only I could understand them


I feel as though I love deeply

I cannot prove it

It maddens my emotional state

How do they feeel?

Why must I apologize to feel loved


Psychologists blame my parents

My parents worry and cry

I feel for them

They understand little as I

And the guilt returns upon them


Endless cycles of fantasy

The protagonist of my own tale

I want to be them

They are the same as I

But no


I call contention to the story

I shake awake from slumber

Get up my fellow authors

Accept me

We can write together

Right together


The contention, like a cattle dog

Has corralled me to an isolated corner

I yell

“Danger, it will come for you as well”


All stay away from me now

My message cannot provide paradigm

With my gaze fixed upon my own suffering

It is my selfishness

And ceaseless arguments

I wish to undo

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